Richmond Parents Monthly | Richmond magazine for families

Dreams die hard for Sonali Young. Always have. But the one about going to college is pretty much her Freddie Krueger. Nothing can kill it. Not growing up with drug-addicted parents. Or dropping out of high school and having her first child at age 16. Or being homeless. Or working full-time while raising four kids alone.

Any one of those obstacles would be reason enough to stray from the path to higher education. But Young has taken them all in stride and now boasts a 3.33 GPA at the University of Phoenix.

“College was always a dream, but unfortunately lack of stability, lack of support, kind of made me detour, “ she says softly, without animosity. “When I had children, I accepted that I’m just going to be a mom and that’s it. Even though I wanted more, it was in secret. I tried to forget about the goals and dreams I had for myself.”

In a move she now sees as part divine intervention and part desperation, Young took a job at the University of Phoenix last October. “We were homeless—living in my truck, and at that point I was just looking for a paycheck,” she recalls.

Turns out, the school allows employees to take classes free of charge. “After going through training for about a week, I went to my manager in tears and said ‘I don’t care what you have to do, please get me into school here!’”

Soon Young was enrolled in the psychology program and immediately learned that getting in was the easy part. Between working full time, going to school full time and being a single mom of four kids, fatigue has proved a formidable opponent.

“Sometimes I get home and say ‘Mom is really tired and I’m not cooking chicken and a vegetable and rice. So guess what? You guys are having sandwiches because this has to be my priority right now.’ But it’s okay because my kids are so proud of me,” she smiles. “I’m in such a better place mentally and emotionally, and they have just fallen in line with that.”

Her oldest son has decided he wants to go to Howard University when he graduates from high school, and her daughter, who’s been diagnosed with ADD, has gone from making Cs and Ds to being an honor roll student.

Because she takes her classes online, Young can work on her stud-ies any time. Although it’s convenient, she admits it requires a lot of discipline. “When my kids are finally settled down I used to like to relax and watch TV,” she says. “Now, that’s when I start studying. But you can’t sacrifice your time with your kids, you can’t sacrifice your job, you can’t sacrifice church, so I sacrifice my personal time.”

Young is comfortable with challenge and sacrifice. They’ve been riding shotgun with her for most of her 31 years. But now she has a new, more valued companion called pride.“Next year I’m going to walk across that stage and get my degree so it will all be worth it. I’ll know that it wasn’t given to me… that I worked hard for it.”

Of course, this dream already has a sequel in the works. “I’m definitely going on to get my Ph.D.,” says Young. “I will not stop until my name is Dr. Sonali Young.”

Lauren Hall is a freelance writer and marketing consultant in Richmond who credits her second grade teacher, Mrs. Mullins, with her love of learning.

When Parents are Students

A parent’s decision to go back to school will affect the whole family. Make the transition easier by following these tips from Stephanie Michalowicz of ABC Coaching in Richmond.

Individual Plan

• Assess your time commitment for school. Figure in class time, commuting, homework, group project meetings and so on. If it has been a while since you’ve been a student, allow some extra time “get back into the groove.”

• If you are a detail-oriented perfectionist, allow more time and/or work on letting some things go. “Letting go” may look like reading each page one time instead of three times. It may look like leaving dishes in the sink or not being the first one to complete a project at work.

• Include time for yourself to man-age stress. For example: exercise, sing, spend time in nature, play with your pet. Eat healthy foods and don’t forget to sleep!

Family Plan

• With your spouse, create a plan for managing the household and addressing children’s needs. Discuss with the children their responsibilities for schoolwork and chores

• Consider enlisting help from neighbors, friends and relatives. If you can find a way financially, hiring help for household duties is worth the investment.

• Do lists need to be posted with routines? A central family calendar may be an invaluable tool.

For Children

• Include time with your kids: play games, read, talk/listen, walk, do hair. Resist the temptation to multi-task with your schoolwork, phone calls, etc.

• Establish routines for mornings, homework times and evenings. Will things be different with you as a student? If so, how? What will this look like for your children?

• Will their other parent be able to be more present for them? Will they need more support with homework than parents can offer? Consider hiring a tutor or coach, keeping in mind that as the school year progresses, workloads will increase.

• If daycare is involved, let them know about your return to school.